Chainsaw Magazine

Howie Pyro speaks…. A record review for the “Opiate Dem Asses” LP by King Khan Unlimited 

King Khan! Rock n’ Roll explorer of the mind soul and hole has landed his hot rocket on a seriously unknown planetoid. It sounds familiar…has certain musical moves you’ve heard in different contexts but not quite this one.Crossing ideals held by those as opposite as can be from heavy politics (panthers) to heavy dirty kicks (GG Allin puke sex), crossing it with devastating sounds that approach the deranged pre punk thug rock & art rock that became what we know now and blowing it to bits with sometimes juvenile, disgusting, hilarious, political, sexually ambiguous, meaningful lyrics . Before punk crystalized into a concept with a name (ruined), there were deranged, disenfranchised youths roaming the streets with guitars & bad ideas (as in bad ass).These youths believed in rock n’ roll as religion and yet were of a future breed that had not yet to be born. Some rose to the top (of the bottom) enough to record & be recognized by likeminded creeps, such as Modern Lovers, Stooges, Velvets, Armand Schaubroeck, Pink Fairies, Debris, Destroy All Monsters, Suicide, Electric Eels, Monks, Rocket From the Tombs, etc…the list really goes on and on and goes back in time to the 60s and 50s (Hasil Adkins, The Phantom, etc.). How King Khan came to this is beyond me. He’s has ridden the rails of high low kulture for years now, exploring different sounds and so I’m not surprised. Certainly not “serious”, this has it’s tongue firmly planted in butt cheek, but it is R-E-A-L. Khan has taken one giant step backward into the real thing! Bypassing indie, 60s retro, faux rockabilly, hardcore, punk et al, he has landed in the one perfect place that most who lived in it in real time, wished they hadn’t, so they could be heard, be paid, eat & buy drugs & have a bed to pass out on, but they didn’t. Most were not heard, at least until their musical corpses were dug up & put on a pointless pedestal. So while you dig for the most obscure and wild early rock n’ roll oddities, seriously be sure to D-I-G L.T.D. It’s N-O-W!

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THE FUTURE IS ESCAPING OUT OF KING KHAN’S BUTT ONE HOLEY NUGGET AT A TIME

Tootie Fruity Good Bootie By King Khan

When Little Richard was indeed little he famously shat into a box, wrapped it up as a birthday gift and gave it to an old lady who was celebrating her day of fun with her friends and family. he sweetly delivered the package to her at her party and waited for the scream of shock and ran home. Psychologists may anal-yze this as some kind of scatological experiment in terror, shame and fascination… butt who doesn’t love a good poop in the box joke while celebrating another trip around the sun?

Decades ago I played in St. Petersburg Florida at a Lesbian Karaoke joint

and while I was playing some stupid girl dumped her whole gin tonic on to the fender amp I was borrowing and short circuited the whole thing. She was dancing a tad bit uncontrolably… so while some people shuffled around trying to set up a new amp, BBQ and I started singin a gospel song about Diarreah… the whole crowd was singing the words diarrreah all at the same time, it was beautiful. Even Bunker Hill would have blushed!!!

After the show a really kind Lesbian woman came up to me and said that i reminded her of Little Richard. She told me she had seen him at a Peach Festival in Florida and when he came on stage, he looked around at the crowd which was mostly white peach farmers and a gaggle of punk kids who were super excited to see him. He gets on stage and first thing he says, “You all think I’m a Nigga dont’chya?” 

The crowd was all open mouthed and silent at his words and then the punk kids screamed. Later in the show he held a snifter made for cognac and inside was a mysterious brown liquid. He looked at the crowd and sneered, “I got liquid Diareeah in my cup!” took a swig and then started a rousing rendition of tutti fruity.

Long live the King!!! and boy did he live LONG!! and LARGE!!!

so there ya have my “little” tribute to little richard… 

In Defence of the Defenceless: A planetary ode to the Sawstika 

An ancient tactic of the colonizers was to adopt sacred and ancient symbols and attach their agenda of hate to them. Such was the case of the United States government adopting the eagle or the pyramid or the Nazis for adopting the sacred symbol of the Swastika. this nefarious symbol has been found historically in several different ancient civilizations. the swastika is very common in Buddhist and Hindu symbolism, representing good fortune, divinity and the sun. Some sightings have also been seen in ancient Mayan temples and carvings as well as Viking lore. the symbol being adopted by facists is no reason to categorize it as a symbol of hate, in fact I feel like it should be reclaimed by the world as it was supposed to be embraced as a powerful symbol in eastern religion. The early counter culture movements like the bikers of the 60s or the punks of the mid to late 70s also loved to flash a swastika on t shirts or arm bands to incite and provoke. From Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols to Ron Asheton of the Stooges or even before that Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones the swastika was the ultimate fuck you to the status quo. Nowadays the Neo-nazi movement has adopted even more complicated versions of the symbol to add to their gloryholes of hate but the fact is that someone needs to stand up for this beautiful symbol and return it to its rightful place in history.

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Dog Vomit is Cleansing My Soul by Screamin Gay Lord MAhingun Khan

The magic nature of the Chihuahua is that it likes to burrow itself into the blanket and put its back against the patient. The heat that is created from the Chihuahua makes the patient sweat profusely as the cleanse begins. This magical practice is lamb basted in an infernal concoction of psychedelic mushrooms and healing fire dance and song. last night I broke through, I was catapulted into a mystical forest where I was given a chest plate of a fallen Indian soldier, I was told to take over his duties. I was aware of this practice as it was told to me by my turtle clan uncle “he who splits the bark”. As I put on the chest plate, made of bullets, twine and a whole lotta love I realized that my rebirth was finally complete. I had been talking about “waking the Indian” with my wasichu brother Ellis for over a year now. He and the scrawls of a mad roky Erickson made me realize that the true ancient enemy is my own ego, my own body and frazzled manic mind. 

So as I wake softly from this dream I look at my legs and they are covered in dog vomit, my poor hoke, the top dog in my life absorbed my evil demons and parlayed them into my hot sweaty body, some may dry heave at this image but those in the know…. Know, no? So here I am, covered in puke, feeling like the hand of shiva rocked my cradle last night and delivered a message from the Indians of turtle island, we are all one, creator’s plan is imminent and ever expanding. my name is MAhingun and I am of the wolf clan, I come in peace and I wait for divine order to settle the chaos in my soul. guide me creator!

check out my GSF organization and mentorship program…
https://www.globalsolidarityforever.org/

Buy music at…
https://khannibalism.bandcamp.com/music

Or watch the mania here…
https://youtube.com/@therealkhannibalism?si=EzpuUW7uwAzf3uQ8

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THE INFAMOUSLY FOWL ROCK n’ ROLL OF KING KHAN
What is widely agreed to be the second great rock n’ roll swindle of our times was camandeered by gonzo jackass of all trades, King Bama Lama Khan, self-proclaimed Emperor of R N B….. After notoriously breaking internet history with his ol’ partner in crime BBQ and their song which shall not be named garnering over 1.5 trillion uses on Shit Tok, King Khan decided to play his last concert ever in the remote Anishnaabe territory of Roseau River in So-called “Manitoba” to a crowd of chickens, ducks and “AHA” the Magpie who is now missing and presumed un-alive. No humans were allowed to attend the feathers-only affair, in fear that they may try and attack, colonize and destroy the peace of mind of his winged guests. Hosted by Wolf Clan Jo and her family, the event was captured in 4K by Laura Silleras and her keen sense of cinema, and will soon be available on a very limited run of vinyl-only. When asked why he was quitting the biznizz Khan exploded into a furious rant riddled with cryptic messages that were shaved into the backside of a polar bear. “In light of the ongoing international genocides, which has proven to me that humanity is garbage and should be denied all forms of entertainment, I played this last concert for my winged friends whom I still consume now and again as a tribute to their short feathered existences. If humanity cancels Hollywood, every stupid Marvel or DC shameful comic franchise, the Olympics, every idiotic sport, every mindless video game, ALL SOCIAL MEDIA, cellphones, tablets and other modern brainwashing wastes of time and re-allocates all life threatening, soul deafening profits to eliminating ALL COLONIAL STRUCTURES and providing the most basic human rights to all, I wilfully, soberly (yes I been sober for a year without any sponsors) have decided that this last fowl performance will indeed be the final curtain call for this Indian Rock n’ Roller…. Perhaps when humanity can prove to me that it’s not just perpetuating genocide after genocide using profits from ALL of our ART & MUSIC maybe I will do an encore for these birds once again. Till then please continue to enjoy all of my music on whatever means you can and in the wise words of Chick Berry, “C’est La Vie said the old quacks, it goes to show… you never can’t tell.”

Known internationally under the pseudonym “King Khan”, Arish Ahmad Khan was born and raised in Montreal, Canada. His family comes from the North Indian province of Uttar Pradesh.  Khan relocated to Berlin in 2005. He has released over 20 full-length albums and 30 singles of his original music since 1995 under many different formations and pseudonyms and on several international record labels (Merge Records, Crypt, In The Red, VICE, Sympathy For The Record Industry, Fat Possum, Norton Records & on his own label Khannibalism). He was the founding member, lead vocalist and songwriter for “King Khan & The Shrines” a nine-piece psychedelic soul and R&B band. He was also half of “The King Khan & BBQ Show” whose song “Love You So” broke records on Tik Tok in 2023 & 2024 being used over 1.4 trillion times on the platform.  In 2015 Khan teamed up with Irish visual artist Michael Eaton (Game of Thrones) under the supervision of surrealist film legend Alejandro Jodorowsky and created “The Black Power Tarot” a collection of 22 art pieces exploring the complex “Path of Illumination” of African Americans and the history of “Black Power”. Khan also performed, wrote and recorded with the Sun Ra Arkestra. In 2016 he co-produced “Let Me Hang You” with late great Hal Willner, a collection of recitations of the “most unspeakable parts of Naked Lunch” by William S. Burroughs. In 2009 Khan performed live with GZA (from the Wu-Tang Clan) and was given his Wu name “Lord Khan”. He is currently on hiatus learning Indian Classical Music and mastering the sitar. 

• King Khan AKA Allen Ginseng (the Chinese Beat Poet from Brooklyn) AKA Ravi Mcdonald

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Many moons ago (pun intended) at the 2009 Cannes Film Festival King Khan Farted in the face of America’s sweetheart Lindsay Lohan. Today, he would like to apologize and offer her a free Tarot reading.

TAROT-RISM 

by 

King Khan

First Card…. What do people think of Lindsay?

The Death Card… (AKA L’Arcane Sans Nom) The world is watching a major transformation occuring in Lindsay. She must accept this change or else it will rot her soul. This mutation may turn this caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly but she must accept severing parts of her past and must push herself harder to catch up to the change, rather then letting the change catch up to her. Welcome to the cold clutches of adulthood and embrace the new day with open arms, Lindsay Lohan…. prepare yourself for the new you.

 Second Card… What does Lindsay think of Herself?

The Star Card “L’Etoile”: On bended knee you bow down, you have nothing else to hide. Now you must find your place on this earth. You flesh and bones have been lent to you for just a fragment of time, it is time to treat your body as a temple. Surrender yourself to the blood in your veins and the meat on your bones, find your place NOW! All you can do is nourish yourself, let the divine light enter every pore of your body and allow you to enjoy the freedom in every breath you breathe.

Third Card… What Lindsay really is!!!!

The Judgement Card: The trumpets are blaring and have exposed everything. There is nothing left to hide. The resurrection may begin. You have been the devil’s voice and have spoken with the devil’s tongue. You have seen the true darkness of yourself and plunged deep into your soul exploring every crevice of both your masculinity and feminity. The time has come to embrace the light from the entire universe, plant a new tree and nourish it with meditation and joy. Use your self knowledge to unlock parts of you that have been suppressed. Feel the wings tear out of the flesh and be the angel that you were meant to be.

Prayer for Lindsay from the King….

As a fellow ex-convict, Lindsay I pray that your transformation maybe as painless as possible. May the angelic stay with you and may your demons lay beside you to rest for good. And may the brown memory of my ass in your face be the divine light that may guide you to being the best Hell’s Angel this planet has ever seen.

w/love and peace

King Khan

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How King Khan got cramped

Sometime in the mid 90s three of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll bands of all time got together and went on tour the phenomenon known as guitar wolf from Japan, Detroit city’s finest demolition doll rods and mind melting, psychedelic rhythm and blues act the cramps I was just a wee lad probably about 19 years old. I had known the Demolition dollrods after playing with them in Toronto and in Montreal and I went early to the show and wrote a letter and left it on the door of their tour van. The letter read… 

Dear Danny Dollrod,

This is black snake. I am here with the deadly snakes. I need to be put on the guest list for the cramps show. It seems to be sold out. We are living in Vancouver and we’re keen to see you guys rock out. please put Blacksnake +13 on the guest list. 

-Blacksnake

I know this was a longshot, but who knows crazier things have happened in the past so there I was leaving this note under the windshield wiper of the van when I ran into a wonderful lady named poison ivy right behind her her incredible husband Luxe interior I looked at both of them almost shell  shocked.  I told poison ivy I was a good friend of candy Del Mar… Candy used to tuck me into her guest room couch bed as I would serenade her with jokey country songs with dirty lyrics.  Poison ivy was happy to hear that candy Delmar was doing well. She was living in Brooklyn with Andy G from the Devil dogs. 

After sharing a few words with poison ivy, Luxe interior looked at me and asked me what my name was. I told him my name was black snake, and he shook my hand feverishly and said that that was a fabulous name. since I was only 19 years old, I didn’t know what else to say so I mumbled something about loving comic books and ran away with my tail between my legs. That was my first interaction with the cramps.. 

On this crazy tour Steve Baise was the tour manager of guitar Wolff. Apparently he was only feeding them Kentucky Fried chicken and making them drink Jack Daniels every night. They had diarrhea most of that tour, but insisted on leading a devilish rock ‘n’ roll journey fueled by America’s most hateful products. I saw Steve Bass, whose bass playing was very influential in establishing what became the spaceshits sound we had been recording since 1995 when we showed up at the venue we cut in the front of the line. It was the spaceshits and some of the deadly snakes roaming into what was going to be a ruckus night of eating trucker speed and trying to get as much free drinks from the backstage as possible, since I was the only one who had the savvy to steal the backstage pass of Steve Basie I was able to sneak in and out of the backstage I didn’t want to look too obvious so I usually had just a few drinks tucked in my pants, ready to share with the 13 hungry guests that I had on the guest list. The show went by like lightning and finally after the cramps played I had a deep thirst so I went backstage this time guitar wolf were standing outside of the stage door and they told me that they weren’t even allowed backstage at this point because it was cramps quiet time. I laughed at that idea and whistled past them when I entered the backstage the cramps were sitting in the back room with an assortment of crazy looking, beatnik rock ‘n’ roll types, and the cramp sitting quietly in the middle of them, I looked at one side of the room and saw the cramps, and I looked on the other side of the room and saw a fresh can of Coca-Cola, beads of sweat started forming on my head when I decided that I wanted to rock the Coca-Cola more than to disturb the cramps when I reached for the Coca-Cola, I felt someone grabbed the neck of my shirt lift me up in the air carry me out and throw me out the backstage down a set of stairs guitar wolf we’re staring at me laughing telling me we told you black snake it’s cramps quiet time. 

Later in my life, I put out records with IN the Red records back then they weren’t zionist record label. Larry was a man who lacked a spine, but was still eager to put out the best rock ‘n’ roll. He was very good friends with the cramps and was also helping them with their label, called vengeance records, Larry like to give all of his records to the cramps, but they seem to never like any of the bands on in the red except for the King Khan & BBQ show. I lost touch with Candy Del Mar for a while, but one person whom I respect probably more than anyone else in the world for being one of the true creators of punk rock was Nick Knox. The electric eels by far outpunked any of the bands at that time and Cleveland was truly one of the birthplaces of American punk rock. If you look at the numbers electric eels put out agitated in 1973 and I believe the Ramones had just started at that point though the Ramones can be credited for inspiring everyone to play at break neck speeds. I really think the electric eels and rocket from the tombs added a level of destructive noise and passion and poetry that was almost unmatched anywhere else in the world. Nick Knox particularly loved Archie and the bunkers. He adopted them as his grandchildren around the same time I had adopted them as my nephews so I inadvertently became related not by blood, but by punk kids Who gained the respect of one of the greatest punk icons to have walked this earth, though I never got to meet Nick knox in person I did speak to him on the phone a few times when I was hanging out with Archie and the bunkers when Nick knox’s found out that I knew Candy Delmar, he quickly asked me to connect them. 

Apparently there were some unsaid troubles and he wanted to squash some old cramps beef. I am proud to have been the one to get them back together. Miriam Lina The original drummer of the cramps also had great relations with Nick Knox and the old Cramps veterans were reunited And I got to be somehow thrusted into the middle of it and be one of its instigators sadly, when Nick knox passed, he gave all his possessions to Archie and the bunkers. This included the original cramps hand painted bass drum skin. I had heard that Henry Rollins had started a $6 million punk Museum in Nashville, the most un punk place possible. He moved there for a tax shelter and found himself really wanting to make a tribute to the cramps. I made a shady deal between Archie and the bunkers and Henry Rollins and sold the original cramps drum for $10,000. Henry told me that he had been standing in front of that bass drum in 1978 when the cramps came to Washington DC and played for the hard-core kids. No one knew how to dance at that point so they didn’t know how to react so they kept pushing the cramps into the corner of the room at one point, Nick got really paranoid jumped on top of his bass Drum pulled out a knife and threatened to stab someone if they kept covering any closer I think the Washington DC kids had never seen anything like that although if you listen to some minor threat, they did cover some 60s bubblegum stuff so I think they were all kind of reveling in the fact that the cramps made 60s bubblegum stuff sound even older. The cramps could take a song like green fuzz and make it sound like it was recorded sometime in some crazy Texas Chainsaw massacre town like Lockhart, Texas. Amongst the other things in Nick, knox’s possessions was a slew of cassette tapes. Many of them were rehearsals from the cramps dating back to 1977. He had recorded shows of the gun club, New Year’s shows of the cramps and all sorts of different amazing audio documents. The best documents I found were the rehearsal tapes when you listen to it and you can hear poison ivy trying to figure out her sound as a guitar player. I think poison ivy and her simplicity almost added a Buddhist touch to the music, and it makes sense since she now has turned into an Indian woman named  Bhava. I gave up western music a few years back and started studying sitar. This was after the fame of the “love you so” song and TikTok sung it 3 trillion times.  I found out that poison ivy had an Instagram and was very thrilled to hear “Love you so” being pumped out in every commercial that she was following. in my first sitar release I released a song called “for the love of bhava”. Which was a tribute to poison ivy‘s transformation into being a complete Hindu. My dream was that I would play for her while she did yoga but that never came true because I was canceled by Larry Hardy’s Zionist record label. Larry Hardy stole $400,000 from the King Khan and BBQ show after he said he didn’t want any payment for the TikTok money he joined hands with revolver the worst distributor of rock ‘n’ roll music and they pillaged and stole $400,000 of the TikTok money later that money was also blocked from my hands because my family deemed it necessary for me to live in poverty homelessness and complete reckless abandoned to learn some kind of lesson which I never learned. I found out today that Henry Rollins is releasing a bunch of unreleased cramps Alex Chilton produced songs, and I just wanted to clear the air and explain my relationship with one of the most important bands in rock n roll history. The fact that I had something of a small nature to do with this whole re-cramping of the world makes me blush with pride.  all of you people out there who give a shit about rock ‘n’ roll please stop buying In the Red products as they go to feed Larry Hardy and Robin Ginsburg, two huge Zionists who shit on Palestinian lives and have nothing to do with rock ‘n’ roll. Robin Ginsburg works for entertainment tonight and has all of the hills of Hollywood in her disgusting Botox face, Larry Hardy has been plucking his eyebrows shooting spicing his nuts and giving himself Brazilians with the money that he steals from bands that don’t sell any records, according to him whether it’s the cheater slicks or the spits or King Khan and BBQ, or the Demons claws we have all vowed never to work with Larry again if he doesn’t pay us our dues. You ever wonder why in the Red became a sellout grunge label with bands like Ty Segall and the OC’s he stopped not putting out any real rock ‘n’ roll because the money was better with the sellout bands, Larry Hardy is a shyster and should not be trusted. There are so many better rock ‘n’ roll labels out there anyways if you have any kind of morality then you will know that Larry’s wife is a staunch supporter of Israel and Zionism at this point anyone who supports such an ideology should be jailed because indeed they are the same mentality as John Wayne‘s colonialism and desire to punch out the native American movements, such as AIM. The time has come, we rock ‘n’ roll rollers should be well aware of the labels that they are supporting and their political beliefs. I have always been a man who believes that one should not judge art based on the behavior of the artist, but when it comes down to business one should certainly not support an industry that supports colonialism. It’s as simple as that one poor band that get thrown under the bus now as well is clone defects. They were the best band to come out of Detroit since the stooges, but they were ignored for a long time by many people in this world every time I saw Timmy come to Europe, he had to play in different outfits, but they were all amazing. Larry never supported most of Timmy’s genius because it didn’t sell well enough like bullshit oh-sees mosh rock. I told Timmy that I didn’t give a shit about in the Red wanting to re-release all of the clone defects records mainly because I love Timmy. I just find it sad that in the red is such an evil entity and now they’re drawing at short straws by releasing the old clone defects records, hoping that they will become hit making once again in this TikTok world, in any case, I love Timmy, he is by far one of the greatest psychedelic Masters of guitar and lyrics and consummate showman.  Since the mission of chainsaw magazine is to bring the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about rock ‘n’ roll and this heinous world, I wanted you all to know the wonderful truth about how King Khan got cramped. 

P.S. I think Chainsaw is a fantastic name for the magazine it reminds me of the ramones, the texas chainsaw massacre and the old chain saw punk zine by “Charlie Chainsaw” published in suburban Croydon in 1977, did you know he had A hand-lettered ‘n’ became a stylised trademark in articles after the ‘n’ key broke on the editor’s typewriter. In addition to a free flexi disc promoting two or three up-and-coming punk bands, 1980s issues featured cartoon strips and two innovative colour covers by Michael J. Weller. Some issues featured the cartoon strip ‘Hitler’s Kids’, authored by Andrew Marr using punk nom-de-plume “Willie D” at the beginning of his successful journalistic career. Charlie Chainsaw formed the band Rancid Hell Spawn when the punk zine discontinued.